Personal limits are the guidelines, rules, or limitations that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe, and permissible ways for others to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone passes the limit. They are built from a mixture of conclusions, beliefs, opinions, attitudes, past experiences and social learning. This concept or life skill has been heavily referenced in self-help books and used in the counseling profession since the mid-1980s.
According to some counselors, personal boundaries help define a person by describing likes and dislikes, and setting a distance that allows others to approach. They include physical, mental, psychological and spiritual boundaries, involving beliefs, emotions, intuition and self-esteem. Jacques Lacan considers such limits to be superimposed in the hierarchy, which reflects "all the successive envelopes of the person's biological and social status". Personal boundaries operate in two directions, affecting the incoming and outgoing interactions between people. These are sometimes referred to as "protection" and "detention" functions.
Video Personal boundaries
Coverage
The three most common categories of values ​​and boundaries are:
- Physical - Personal Space and touching considerations
- Mental - Mind and opinions
- Emotional - Feelings
Some authors have expanded this list with additional or special categories such as "spirituality", "truth", and "time/punctuality".
Maps Personal boundaries
Type
Nina Brown proposes four types of limits:
- Soft - A person with soft boundaries integrates with the boundaries of others. A person with soft limits easily becomes the victim of psychological manipulation.
- Spongy - A person with a sponge-like limit has delicate and rigid boundaries. They allow less emotional transmission than soft borders but are more than rigid. People with spongy borders are not sure what to let in and what to avoid.
- Rigid - A person with rigid boundaries is closed or closed so no one can get closer to both physically and emotionally. This often happens if a person becomes a victim of physical, emotional, psychological, or sexual abuse. Rigid limits can be selective depending on the time, place, or circumstances and are usually based on previous bad experiences in the same situation.
- Flexible - Similar to rigid rigid boundaries but the person has more control. The person decides what to let in and what to avoid, resistant to emotional contagion and psychological manipulation, and difficult to exploit.
Apps
The concept of personal limits is highly relevant in the environment by controlling people or people who are not responsible for their own lives.
Co-Dependents Anonymous recommends setting limits on what members will do for and for people and on what members will allow people to do and for them, as part of their efforts to build autonomy from being controlled by the thoughts, feelings and problems of people other.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness tells its members that establishing and maintaining values ​​and boundaries will enhance a sense of security, stability, predictability and order, within a family even when some family members refuse. NAMI argues that boundaries encourage a more relaxed, nonjudgmental atmosphere, and that the presence of boundaries need not conflict with the need to maintain an atmosphere of understanding.
Risk of rebuilding
In Their Family and How to Survive, Robin Skynner MD explains the method for how family therapists can effectively help family members to develop clearer values ​​and boundaries by treating them, drawing lines, and treating the different in different compartments. - Something especially important in families where unhealthy remoteness afflicts normal personal values. However, the formation of personal values ​​and boundaries in such instances can result in a negative fall, if the pathological state of separation has become the main attraction or element of the relationship. This is especially true if sound boundary setting produces unilateral unilateral boundary arrangements. It is important to distinguish between unilateral and collaborative solutions in this setting.
Anger
Anger is a normal emotion that involves an emotional response and a strong discomfort to the perceived provocation. Often, this indicates when someone's personal limit is violated. Anger can be exploited effectively by setting limits or escaping from dangerous situations.
The complicated factors
Addictions
Addicts often believe that controlling others is how to achieve success and happiness in life. People who follow this rule use it as a survival skill, as it usually studies it in childhood. As long as they make the rules, nobody can turn them into a corner with their feelings.
Mental illness
Persons with certain mental conditions tend to control behavior including those with obsessive compulsive disorder, paranoid personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and narcissistic personality disorder, attention deficit disorder, and manic bipolar disorder state.
- Borderline personality disorder (BPD): There is a tendency for loved ones of people with BPD to enter caregiver roles, giving priority and focus on issues in people's lives with BPD rather than problems in their own lives. Too often in this connection, codependent will gain a sense of worth by being "sane" or "responsible".
- Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD): For those involved with someone with NPD, values ​​and constraints are often challenged as narcissists have a low self-esteem and often do not realize that others are completely separate and not extensions of themselves. Those who meet their needs and those who give gratification can be treated as if they are part of the narcissist and are expected to live up to their expectations.
Kekependensi
Obedience often involves placing a lower priority on its own needs, while too busy with the needs of others. Compliance can occur in all kinds of relationships, including family relationships, work, friendships, and also romantic relationships, colleagues or the community.
While healthy relationships depend on the emotional space provided by personal boundaries, the codependent personality has difficulties in setting those limits, so defining and protecting limits efficiently is likely for them an important part of regaining mental health.
In a codependent relationship, the meaning of a colleague's goal is based on an extreme sacrifice to satisfy the needs of one's partner. The codependent relationship signifies an unhealthy level of contamination, in which one person has no independence or autonomy. One or both parties rely on others for fulfillment. There is usually an unconscious reason for continuing to put the life of others, often because of the mistaken notion that self-worth comes from someone else.
Dysfunctional family
- Demanding parents: In dysfunctional families, children learn to adapt to the needs and feelings of parents rather than vice versa.
- Demanding child: Being a parent is a role that requires a certain amount of self-sacrifice and gives a high priority needs to a child. Parents can, however, be codependent to a child if the sacrifice or sacrifice of the parents reaches an unhealthy or destructive level.
Communal effect
Freud describes the loss of conscious boundaries that may occur when a person is in a united and fast-paced crowd.
Nearly a century later, Steven Pinker took the theme of the loss of personal boundaries in the communal experience, noting that such events could be triggered by intense ordeals such as hunger, fear or pain, and that the method was traditionally used to make the liminal conditions in initiation ceremony. Jung describes this as the absorption of identity into the collective unconscious.
Rave culture has also been said to involve the dissolution of personal boundaries, and merging into a sense of binding communism.
Unlike power relations
Also the unequal relationship of political and social power affects the possibility to characterize the cultural boundaries and more generally the quality of the individual's life. Unequal power in personal relationships, including rough relationships, can make it difficult for individuals to mark boundaries.
See also
References
Further reading
- Cloud, Henry; Townsend, John (1992). Limit: When to Say Yes, How to Say No . Thomas Nelson Publishing. ISBN: 978-0310247456. Ã, Amazon Rank = # 230
- Bottke, Allison (2008). Setting a Boundary with Your Adult Children . Harvest House Publishers. ISBN: 978-0736921350. Amazon Rank = # 6,300
- Katherine, Anne (1994). Limit: Where You Ended and I Begin . Hazelden. ISBN: 978-1568380308. Amazon Rank = # 51,000
- Whitfield MD, Charles (1994). Limits and Relationships . HCI Books. ISBN 978-1558742598. Amazon Rank = # 52,000
- Hawkins, David (2007). Setting Limits on Unhealthy Relationships . Harvest House Publishers. ISBN: 978-0736918411. Amazon Ranking = # 60,000
Source of the article : Wikipedia
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